Gateway....

had sleepness nights last night and the night before. struggled to sleep as usual at night eventho how tired i am. read the QSB book to make me fall asleep. it did work for awhile but i guess my brain just didnt want to register that i need sleep afterwards. had dreams about lotsa stuff. all this legolas thingy is sipping into my head like no body's business. how weird is it that someone u like, may like u back. especially when it considers 2 years crush. i hate those people who like to play ppl-matching. i hate em i hate em i hate em. the least i need now is for someone to mismatch me and with that particular person. its so embarassing. so yeah, talking about my weirdest dream. i dream bout this person for days now, since i learn the truth. i know some would say im "perasan" but actually i dont like the feeling at all. i hate not being able to be myself around him anymore and hate for not being able to joke around him like i use to. or in a shorter version, being myself. its depressing. the ambience in the studio is growing tense for me when ever he is around. i don't deny i like to know what i know. but i guess some girls just cant cope with the truth especially for someone like me. i may seem robust, inconsiderate with my words, outspoken, happy, occasionally crazy (ermm..?), and etc but.....some things i would appreciate people to lay low. cause i am indeed embarass now. i dont keep secrets. but if this means ill loose my face to someone or loose my freedom of acting n speech. ill lay low from now. no more telling secrets to ppl. let me be the one listening to ppl for a change. ill turn the table around for awhile. till i gain my strength back. im tired, im sick and i have headache. ill push it away now before i grow nuts. now i understand why sue n kuhaz are secretive. i like that way more now. ill have to ask them for advice and learn how to be discreet. toodles for now. off to class in awhile. hugs everybody. i love....

p/s: to wandy, if ure reading this dont be sad. im expressing. no confirmation. i love u.

Lots of love,
Nina