What i just realized...

days go by so quickly nowadays. i was in the car just now with joe and i asked him,

"bie, what day is 2moro?" he answered, "friday la syg.." i was like, f*ck! its friday already?

i felt it was only yesterday that its sunday; when i had to pick up my dad and say bye to joe. not permanently though just mutual bye bye. ok, i have to admit that my brain capacity to remember things and to function efficiently has drained. i feel tired most of the time, i feel like i have less time to do so many things in my to do list (and i always fail to finish all of everything daily), and like i've neglected most people that i should spend time with (esp. sue and kuhaz cause they are leaving in less than 7weeks) just because everyone around me is suddenly so demanding. im not saying its entirely everyone elses' and not mine. but you know sometimes blaming other people makes me feel better bout myself. cause at least i see myself not so screwed up. no matter how screwed up i can be. geez... i know i know i know its a bad trait but i don't do it on purpose. most are with perfect reasons why. i think.

ive been re- eading this entire post. its not even impressive. and not even nice to read. when i re-read it, i just see lines lines and lines of crap. ok. stop. rewind. i hate this. so much to do but so little time. i use to be so good at time management. now im just all screwed. this is serious. on top of that, im always out of money these days cause i spend it on necessary things like petrol. if i would just stay in campus and not go back and forth i would save at least 30% of my petrol expanses a month. but noooo...nina likes to be the wonder women for other people but never ever put herself first. WHY? cause u can call me dum dum. yes indeed. meet Miss Dum Dum.

i am forever complaining but im not doing anything bout it. and here my friends especially the closest to me have to hear my whines and swearing. or sometimes i just have this play technique of my own playing in my head. im acting like a kid again. i can't disclose myself openly to the public cause i think people will hate me. so i retreat into my comfort zone and talk to myself inside my head. now i make myself sound crazy. maybe i should see a shrink. cause even when i dont do anything wrong, ill cry and think i did. pressure is getting into me. i can seem happy, but im not. i can seem sad and glum but im just the total opposite. how to know my absolute truth? negative. even i dont know myself.

i should stop before my brain cracks into pieces. i need a break. maybe go for a holiday by the beach alone in the bahamas. i dont need anyone. im a fake. i need to stop talking. i feel sorry for myself.

xoxo