creating an illusion...

one thing i know i cant bare with is UIA. i want to be very far away from here. literally speaking la. not technically.i wish i was meant for another uni. but i love this uni also. so how ah? i got my result today. and it sucks! 0.1 drop. and im frustrated. i wished it could be better. but nooo...it had to suck all the life of today. NOT. back in UIA makes me feel so...i dunno, lost! i want to go home. thank god im going home this weekend. i love you everybody. im going crazy.

BELLA LUNA will be my anak's name...ehehhe *hUgS*

LOve,
Nina

im a fan...

of brown...pink...black(makes me look sexy and slim at the same time)

and of all the colours in the world. makes my life cheerful

of THE O.C

of Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom

of Magics and anything that has to do with it

of MYSELF

of a Mini-Cooper

of ....and other things that is worth being a fan of. DUH!

cheers!

what the heck?

people say my course is good. can get good source of money. but thats what they said about any other courses too if u were to ask. years ago, they said civil was the best and worthwhile. then came up iT. now what? the medicine era? aiyah...so tiring la all this course choosing. might as well stay home and wait for the money to fall from the sky. but that aint happening aint it? so there they were the lil kids wanting to grow up (tuija jak sidaknya...) and us adult wanting to be children again. less hassle, less messy, less HEADACHE. and i want to think everyday will be the same...me playing the barbie dolls or "masak-masak" and not think bout business deals and making money. i think thats why PeterPan just refuses to grow up. OH THE CLEVERNESS of me he says....HAIL THE CARTOON CHARACTERS! they are so cute and happy.

the other things...

(at a.lily's house on the 16th)
the minute i entered the house....

a.kiah : sik nampak kurus pun...
nina : ah? mena ka?
shit ive lost like 20kilos already and u dont see it? - in my mind la...

but i still managed to crack a smile. but then suddenly when i went to send some stuff to her the next day she was like...

a.kiah : eee...kurus kitak, nina oh? *she smiled*
nina : eyh? sekdala...ntah.
aiyer...wussup with this lady? so fickle kah? or just being nice to me?
im so confused...- playing in my mind again.

was depressed for a minute when she told me i dont look like ive lost any weight. but there goes my brother saying...

boy : iboh dgr bah cakap nya. a.kiah bah. palak sik betul sikit. *he laughed*
and i just *sigh* and didnt say anything till we get home that evening.

many things ran in my brain...doing flip flop, mind tricks to me. and i was paranoid of how i look. and also not to forget i sleep in depression that evening. but i can still hear my mom's conversation with my dad on sunday night.

mama : pa, kiah told something to our daughter.
appa : what?
mama : she said she didnt look like she lost any weight. nina was so depressed.
she still is thou.
appa : how u know?
mama : boy la madah...sapa gik?

that was it i heard...didnt hear anything else as i lay on their bed that night. pretending to be fast asleep that later on i actually did feel asleep. till the time came to send my dad to the airport later that night. so i didnt say much that day. and not till today. im avoiding to see ppl. only close friends. suddenly all the ugliness i feel comes back.

aiyah i was so happy with myself until that statement. stupid. but still am. in smaller proportion. *gRin*

old conversation

ok!

this time my mom occured a sound.the slightest that makes you think so much.

we (my mom and my siblings) were gathered in my mom's room earlier this evening. was watching our favourite indonesian tv drama "DIA". sappy drama that is. if you haven't heard of it. pity YOU! cause its kinda good to sit down and watch it with the whole family. spending quality time even it isnt so much great. but its still family time!

ok enuff. actually before we went to barong tinuk (so cool la this place..i shall bring you one day!?) for dinner, my mom pass a statement that her anak-anak should marry a foreigner. so may be better phrase cute gorgeous men and women. cause her theory is; so we shall never get ugly children that has flatten nose and weird eyes. or something like that. so, she said to me...maybe you should consider getting an org putih boyfriend. or latino. or even indonesian with good features. ahahahah. that was funny. while she was refering to that my brain starts working and running to find any available person for me to start with. and there came up felanie's name. ahahha *nong if ure reading this dont get me wrong...he's so adorable and very hard to resist...thats all!* my brain was playing mind tricks with me again. all this fantasies of having good looking boyfriend is so irresistable. but i have yet to find one. im evil. *sorry syg*

afterwards, we went to dinner and bumped into my other family members. what a small world kuching is. so we ended up eating together. the 10 of us. food was delicious and there was another round of post-motem of the anniversary party. gossiping again. as usual. but funny thing is, i realise my family has this love-hate relationship that makes me wonder how we actually can stand each other for so long. hah! blood-tie.

weird thing happened....the topic of gorgeous people came up again. i think my family is obssess with "org kacak". we can never be bored of them. we eventually will be mesmerized by the fact that someone gorgeous is standing beside us. nasib tak drooling....ahahaha.

so ending...we like gorgeous people! cause it makes the sun shines brighter. to me la. up to you to judge. i guess one day ill consider my mom's suggestion. or will soon find one. im gorgeous also what! wow...i actually said that. good night everybody.

toodles!!!

Love,
Nina

revatalizing....

let me tell you a stroy of last weekend. 8th of April. A date of my aunt's and uncle's wedding anniversary. the function turn out well. thanks to everybody involve that is. +US+ ehehehe it was a fun night comparing to the months work some of us had to do to prepare it. especially my cousin Kak Long. She was so dedicated man. No one i know can be half as hardworking as she is. To the rest that contributed to it, aiyah they were simply the best too. Nothing beats us for any family gatherings. "Togetherness tek nakkkk..."

everyone was so beautiful and handsome. yes they were. all in their evening gowns and tuxedo. ive never seen anything more alluring than that. some are just incredibly sexy. including my mom. the guys i must say some of them turn out to be hot. i met this handsome couple. both mat salleh of course. i bet they are mix latino. cause that feature is damn prominent. they were gorgeously paired up. me and my cousins were like "WOW! look at that....they must be the king and queen of the night" but oh well, despite that others were gorgeous too. do check out the pictures folks!

at the beginning, the function was so formal. but towards the end everyone started loosen up. had a few drinks around, and people started dancing the poco-poco. geez, people are just craving for that. and then when it ended, i just realise the only ones on the dance floor at 3am was me, felanie, nong and isk. where did everybody else go? so u can just imagine what party people we are la...i basically jump from one place to another. from the dance floor to the stage. got few stares from me mom to behave. but let's see...erm?? we didnt even care! thank god she didnt blow up. but to round it up. it was fun. terrific.

ending...the 4 of us went up to my room and sleep. zzZzzzz NIGHT!

enough said....check out the pictures aight??!!!

here >>> www.qu33n.multiply.com/photos

Lots of Love,
Nina the Belacanism.....

buzzing like a beeeeeeeeeeeeee......

ok, the past month has been hectic. talking bout workload. nothing beats KULLIYYAH OF ARCHITECTURE workload. a lot? thats not the most suitable term to give. i guess its MASSIVELY BOMBASTIC LIKE MOUNTAIN HIGH A LOT. yeah im exaggerating but thats the whole truth. i can count the days that i really had beautiful sleep at night. and usually these sleep enjoins with beautiful dreams....like a dream that would never come true. *gRin*

final presentation of our layout was last monday. i amazingly and suprisingly PASSED!! out of all the students in class, i was one of the people that passed. i was glad. i didnt expect it though but as usual i WANT it. Alhamdulillah.

also had quizes and midterms...and thank god i did fine. i didnt fail or anything. just average. mostly cukup makan. so im proud. thinking back the times i failed to study. HA HA HA.

ok la...im bored of writing. off to SW this evening at 530 and going to eat at my old matriculation centre for dinner tonight with my friends. i guess that would be something nice for a change......see ya people!!!

p/s: wish me luck for my halaqah final exam 2moro!!!

Hugs!

Love,
Nina the Belacanism....

my current mood

i woke up late again today. what else is new? got dressed and off to class. im wondering what today has instill for me. will it be fun or will it be depressing? i came an hour late to the studio today. lecturers were really pissed. but as usual again...i just BUAT TAK TAHU. they commented on all the layouts. and told us its a crap. i guess i have to agree. i dont think my layout was all that good. *gRin*

so, till the afternoon session, ill just say that my mood is actually O-K. maybe it will remain as such till the end of the day. so take care everybody!! i love you...

Lots of Love,
Nina

bedazzled...

Dear secret admire,

since the first time i saw you i was stunned. you look like someone ive admired from a far. that day mark one feeling in me. it generates something to even feel closer...

oh love, i know u know. i know u dont care. but i just wanna say i want you. ure so near yet so far. out of reach zone u are. yes u are. yes u are. i want something else from you. but u cant deliver. i want you to hear me. yet ure so deaf to know that. i want you to look at me with those mesmerizing eyes yet ure too blind to even notice the existence of me.

i have a lot to say to you. i have moments i want to share with you. but im shy. im never this shy. u made me feel this way. your smile is sweet, your voice sings the lullaby in my ear and your presence make me go wild. i wish this doesnt have to happen to me. but it does. since the first time i saw you...

my love, romeo and juliet is a love story, nothing can separate them. ours is an illusionary. i wish for us to be like that. the love story i will share later with other people. when people ask...i want to feel proud of telling the story of ours to the whole world. i want our moments together to be special. but yet you're far away. so rightful far that our heart never click. can i ask for it to beat as one? or is it too much to ask?

i pray for everyday with you in it will never end. cause i know its hard to realise ure just a dream. very high to reach. and my heart itch of pain. may the sun and rain cure this heart of mine. i shall never plead nor cry. for a moment we left behind.

i love you my syg...for you, are the special one....

Love,
Juliet of broken dreams....

the crazy people

yesterday i only bath once. due to the layout plan. shit...i submitted late. but im ok. still sane and gay. waiting for my friend now to plot her layout. just an introduction to the post...

crazy people do crazy stuff...but we crazy people from kaed is labelled as wierd to other people. my mom use to say im weird. but if u act like that in our kulliyyah...im sure ure NORMAL. my dad says, "u do nothing but either drink or berak...when i call" ahhahah...i wish he knew well enough to revoke the statement. that is what i call weird. i dont berak and eat je. lotsa things i do. including amuse myself with things that are 50-50 certain. but at that precise moment its ok.

times flies like an eagle...it romes and haunt me especially nowadays. i always feel i dont have enough time to live my life. i wish the day has more hours, more minutes, and more seconds. so i can capture more moments. and finish what i left behind. but i know GOD created the time as such with reason. so we dont get bored of life easily. perhaps?

to end this post...i recommend people to listen to this song Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful. i love that song. i sing to it, i cry to it, im happy with it...all emotions are in that song. it resembles how i am with this situation of mine. i know my blog seems sappy and sometimes full of lovesick note. but who are u to judge? im here for the freedom of expression. i want people to view my thoughts. i want people to care...if at least for this very null moment.

goodbye earthlings...im off to indulge myself with work again. Assalamualaikum..

Written by,
Nina

layout plan

today, studio day. was suppose to submit our layout plan today before noon. but most of us are just plain lazy. cause none finished on time. and here i am blogging instead of finishing my work. i like..i love the buziness i am feeling. but i hate the headache i feel everytime i dont get enough sleep.

wish me luck guys!! off to handle the workload. im in love.

p/s: i am obssess.....

Love,
Sambal Belacan Lover

my secret...

last night was an emotional night for all of us.

studied for my Quran, Sunnah and Built Environment (QSBE) mid term exam and im glad its over. it was hard though. *still smiling* & going to my aunt's place afterwards. just to go meet everyone for my niece and nephew's cukur jambul.

we talked things through last night. me and friends. we came into conclusion we want to be happy and not dummies. i guess i do need friends after all. i love and care for them. we've been hurt, we've experience the coolness of love, we are dazzed by it and we've tried most of the things under the sun and moon. and still wanting more....

to those trying to figure out what this post is all about. i advise you to stop wondering and start searching what you want in life. i have my goals now. set afirm in my heart. and i know im going to make it into a reality. just wait and see and wishh me luck.

"where ever you may go, you'll meet your soulmate..." [from : goddess of light]

p/s: i love you....

Lots of Love,
Sambal Belacan Lover

i admire....SMILE

today is a fun day. despite knwoing i have mid-term exam tomorrow. (he said : esok u ada spahic's day? hah!) im happy today. i like today. and i admire the sun that shines on me today. life is so "on my side" today. if one day i would think back, i guess i know something came true today. he talks, he speaks and he acknowledged. finally. i guess what else better would a girl ask for? just for that person to notice.

when i recall last night's conversation with my dad....i cant help wonder since when did my dad see me as a grown lady? he changed from the protective father (still is la...) to a friend you can talk to. he forbid love in my life a year ago. but last night he asked me to make my obsession true (my bestfriend said so too...). he said, "what u feel is classical signs of falling in love with him..." he also said just dont let it interfere with my work. im ok with it. and im happy my dad likes the person i like. goodness gracious.

im being unfair...but its pure satisfaction. im going to recline from it sooner or later. and what if i want this to become a reality? where shall i put my past? im ok...dont worry. still sane. but obsess.

"dear god,

if im meant for another round....make this a blast. and make it one of the coolest moment of my life. as ive lack in that part. thank you for giving me life. thank you for making me happy. and thank you for doing this to me. i love you...."

Lots of love,
Nina

check out this...

5 tips for a Woman...

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

[true...]

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

[absolute importance...]

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

[liars are never suppose to be in the dictionary of our lives...]

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

[pampering is always good...]

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

[ha ha ha...this is most important. wont want them to know....*gRin*]

p/s: so...apa lagi...go find this 4 perfect guys....so we dont have to get depressed over a guy anymore aight? i wish you the best of luck!!

Love,

Nina Liyana

life goes around

once upon a lifetime i use to say everything will end up ok. i know it does. i know it will. but when it comes to special moments that u need a break from positive solutions or things that doesnt have solutions....i guess thats when problems comes. u just cant live through what we call LIFE. thats when people start backbiting, killing themselves, and threaten to have suicide notes.

ive come across my friend's blog, and she said she loves all kind of fairy tale that we know doesnt exist. but believing is making it into a reality. i believe in all that. i love what u love Aqiss. maybe we are sadist but that doesnt mean we are uncool kan? lets make a vow, we are to be cooler. ahahah and to remain as gorgeous as now. ahahhaha

life for me goes around. bad or good. its still cool. i guess thats the fun in it. im trying to focus making my layout a bomb. and i better get back to it. i like....layout here i come. love!

Love,
Sambal Belacan Lover

orlando bloom

im trying to figure out who is the hottest of the hots. guys la i mean. well, actually i have decided. and only one name rings in my head now. dearest orlando bloom. he is so hot and that smile is so captivating. ok, some of my friends wont agree to this. as a friend of mine likes adam brody, then there's keanu reeves and the phantom planet lead singer. so yeah...i actually am expressing what i think. i think orlando is perfect. if i find someone like him near me. ill be sure to grab him. unless he is owned by someone else that is. i likeee....

dearest orlando bloom, i love you.....i wish to meet you some day.

Love,
Nina Liyana

sunday morning...

good morning my fellow mates. its been weeks since i last updated my blog. i guess, time is quite limited for us Urban Planning students due to massive workloads. anyhow, just a quick recap of what ive been doing the whole week.

monday - had my design crit session. it was approved! yeay! but lotsa things to re-do la.

tuesday - had to prepare for principles of urp assignment.

wednesday - havent slept yet and submission of principles here!

as for thursday - i was moody and down. i helped the planmic committees to prepare for the seniors' graduation dinner and had to rush to finish up bm essay writing and my car got into an accident. kesian cookie. thank god nothing serious.

friday- the actual dinner. skipped studio that morning and my lecturer got so emo cause we cant be bothered with class. shit. things went smoothly. and the funny part is, i wasnt moody at all.

saturday - cut my hair really short. and i like it. i feel so free!!!

sunday - currently working on my landscape assignment.

to those who are lazying around at home...keep it rocking! i envy you. and may God bless everyone. love! peace!

Sambal Belacam Lover

Another Valentines in My Eye

remembrance of the day in the past when i was a little girl...one song rings in my head. the "que sera sera" song. "what ever will be will be" this is what some people may say. but i know thats the least i want to happen. topic- valentines day. indication of? obviously LOVE. what do people know about love? im writing this post and i know not many people will read. just the urge of expressing is there. often my mates will say, ure beautiful as you are and no need to worry about having people loving you. i know that for a fact that sometimes i think im beautiful. but thats not the whole point. i dont need assurance. but just merely need some excitement i guess...have yet to feel that in years.

anyway, valentines day this year is the same as any other year. spending it alone. its not a sad thing and i dont need pity. LOVE here still remains. even with or without a partner. its a day for giving love to EVEN your friends & family. i have both around me for now. im happy. full stop. if people are to always judge this day as only for lovers. they are demolishing the value of love. u dont live with only your partner. u dont devote yourself entirely to them. i know i dont. and guys always see that as my strength and something that holds them back to come near me. i guess some guys just want a girl that could be their display doll. some trophy. or someone they can overpower. im not like that at all. maybe born with a conservative dad and a modern thinking mom,i grow up into a balance child that knows how to stand up for myself. if ure searching for a girl that would just say YES to your every say, uve come to the entire wrong page. im an ordinary girl with dreams. i talk for myself. and have the mind of my own. im not rebellious. but i want things to be equal. i guess that fair aint it?

talking again on the subject valentines. a friend sent me this msg of LOVE. its says, "love is not only made for lovers; its also for friends who trust each other better than lovers. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!" so have u got that kind of friend? if u do, i presume that your valentines is complete. dont go thinking your valentines sucks just because you dont have a partner. love is subjective. its given to everyone with the kind heart. arrogance will destroy this. u have the heart to love? love people around you. someone special will come eventually. no need to search. naturally it flows like water. if it gets stuck at the rock cause by any obstructing cause. then mayb he/she is yours. its called fate. just have faith. we will flow thru. respect yourself before embarking into this journey. if you dont. ull sail into the doomed.

take care you people....and have a VERY HAPPY VALENTINES!! i love you....

Lots of Love,
Sambal Belacan Lover

a day in my shoe...

my shoe stinks. ahahahha NOT. its just some amusing facts i do to myself when im bored. today out of all the day i feel so crammed and tired and bored. had lectures from the lecturer on various topics. this seldom happens in the studio. cause u see, studio is a place of fun. where u minggle with the rest of your mates and completing your work. i like the atmosphere of that but not today. after the holidays, the studio seems dull in a way. it wasn't as cold as i remembered. maybe the day was too hot. or maybe its just me feeling weird. i dunno. its my inner thoughts that is playing with me again today. hello "thinkabelly!" thats another nick for my thoughts. HA HA HA HA HA.

got a msg from wandy this morning indicating he did well in the interview. what else does a girlfriend need right? is to have her boyfriend get what he wants. im proud of him. and i bet his parents are too. they should be. he's all good. still good. he told some good news also. he may send in money for my ticket to NZ. so cool kan? i wish im having holidays now. i know ill immediately go. well, thats me! over excited bout stuff at the beginning. ahh...enough of that!

guess...there's nothing else to complain...i just need to finish up my 2 assignments for the moment. QSBE and my design concept. i hope ill succeed. i know i will. cause im the SUPERSTAR! ahahahha...toodle loo everyone. *hUgS*

p/s: that was short for a day in my life. ehe ill update tonight! if la..

Love,
Nina

i wonder.....

at the very last moment u always wonder what it would be like if u had done something differently. i always do. im in the central of emotions now. i preach about love and how to handle it in a proper way but i dont act as what i preach. I guess being a preacher aint that easy huh? yesterday was a mark of victory... manage to persuade something to do something. but dont ask me what's the something. im never telling. relationships for me are going strong. love each other so much. yet lotsa hassle bassle along the way.

what i wish? something good in return for what ever sacrfices ive met. rollercoaster going round and round and i feel dizzy. but yet im alright. things are mounting up. piling every day per inch. im drowning in my own thoughts. i know this post sounds depressing. but i know also that im not depress nor unhappy. im just being normal. trying hard to express in a way that my thoughts doesnt hurt myself nor others. i love life. i thought its sucky. but for real, its full of miracle and magnificent things that has yet to be explored. see the sun, we only use the effect of light and heat..but the particles? its beyond reach. the moon shines so brightly every mid-month and lovers intwinned themselves towards it. a mark of love n embrace. how i wish my days are full of that. but im happy as it is. i dont need changes if it isnt for the best. i just need love. its spelled easily but to obtain n cherish it will be one mighty job. i guess i have never appreciate love. not in my life before or now. i take things for granted. but im happy.

so who's selfish? i am. no other people can match that up. i keep loosing..but i gain. that is what makes me confident everything can be earn over and over again. i guess i just realise my mistake when its actually gone. when the love never shines anymore, when the sweet melody dreads the song, when the birds stop chirping to the sun, and when the moon seems so dim for the first time. Have u ever felt that way? i know i did. i know i got depress over it. i know i cried. but one thing i do not know...will i change for that matter?? people often say they will. but do they actually do it?

life's so short to wonder and look at the past and regret everything uve done. what we really need to do is grab chances and do our best. walking on a field of corn, u should pick the best corn u see and u can never turn back. so the similarities to life is..once uve missed that special chance of getting the best as u always delay daily the encounter of grabbing it at that precise moment, once uve realised it. its gone. and no way we can turn back and say to life, i just wish i could have gotten a second chance to do it all over again. real life doesnt work that way. thats why humans are full of regrets. live your life to the fullest. and always see your glass half full.

let people love u, care for u, cherish u but never take them for granted or not be appreciative. remember, the cycle of life goes around and may not come back to the very beginning. we may die in the duration, we may have another cycle. we never know. so appreciate people around you. as i am trying my best to....

Lots of love,
Nina